Speechless
by I'mFreeAsMyHair
Summary: If I promise boy to you, that I'll never talk again and I'll never love again, I'll never write a song, won't even sing along, will you love me again?


**So, enjoy.  
*This is from the scene in series 3 where Jeroy is kissing on the stage and Mara is watching***

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Why are they changing the script? I mentally grunted in my mind; they were supposed to be performing their written lines. My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion and that was the heartbreaking moment I had to witness when Jerome leaned down and wrapped his arms around Joy and kissed her fully.

Jerome kissed her.

Right in front of my eyes.

I was speechless.

The first thing I felt was the feeling of being sick. It was disgusting to see them kiss so...so...passionately. That was when my anger bubbled inside me, h-h-how dare they! Joy, she wasn't supposed to kiss him, that wasn't part of the plan. Oh yeah...the plan. Why did I agree to go with this stupid plan in the first place? I wanted to take it all back; this wasn't what I wanted.

I zoned out for a minute, just in utter shock. My heart clenched and my throat was dry and tight as if a hand covered in a leather glove had strangled my neck tensely. And it was at that time I began hearing the muffled noises of applause and I forced myself to look around, they were clapping, they were cheering, _for this_? Aren't these the same people who are my room-mates, my friends or have they forgotten all about me and Jerome? How he cheated on me.

Oh and the shame! I felt guilty somehow. I felt ashamed somehow for even daring to look up at my ex and my best friend kissing. This was wrong I chanted in my mind as my hand shakingly wiped the tear which rolled down my cheek. I didn't want them to see me like this. I didn't want Jerome to see that he had gotten to me. And I couldn't stop from asking myself, does he enjoy hurting me like this? Does he know what he's doing to me?

Head high, lips closed and never let them see you cry. I bit my lip just to get a grip and save a little face. I didn't want them to think I still had feelings for him and besides it's not like I haven't had enough practise hiding my emotions before.

The cheering died down slowly and I carefully looked up at the stage and they were breathing heavily, staring deep into each others eyes. It reminded me the time when he looked at me like that and now instead I'm watching him with another person. Taking their time, they finally realised what happened themselves and looked forward at me, as with everyone else, boring painful holes right into me with their intimidating stares. What are they expecting me to do? Do they want me to say something: _'Oh hey, it's my ex-boyfriend and my friend making out, that's cool. I'm so happy for yous.'_?

I swallowed and forced myself to smile, "That wasn't in the script, but we can change if you want." I shrugged and looked around the room but didn't have the courage to look up in Jerome's eyes, I just felt so foolish for being so affected by all of this, he probably thinks I'm being silly. I saw the tension and concern on their faces, but deep down I felt like they don't even care that much, why should they care, I'm sure they have better stuff do anyway.

I smiled one more time, "I think I'm going to go, excuse me." I muttered as I walked quickly out of the room. I heard Joy shout my name but talking to her was one of the last things on my list. She liked Jerome. I wasn't stupid, I could tell. I could see it. She didn't even stop him once from kissing her and he didn't hesitate at all either. I ran out the school doors and wandered to the field, walking aimlessly. I leaned against a tree and felt my weight slip down to the ground and I immediately regretted running off because I knew I'd have to face them anyway. I drew my knees up to my chest. I sat quietly. Just feeling the hot and silent tears run down my face.

I hated him. Everything was complicated and me being the loser at love just made everything ten times worse. Him in his tight jeans and his long hair, damn him! Damn_ him_! He used to be so fun and he would play pranks as if he felt no stress in the world...maybe that kiss was just a bad prank on me? Maybe his punch line is just a joke because I felt so battered and low.

Slowly, my breathing calmed down and I let my eyes shut and I just thought about the time I was with him, when we were friends and when we were together. I smiled, choking out a suffocated laugh. Now, whenever I see him I feel so stupid, so, so stupid. I shake my head, I should have known that he would get bored of me. Joy is beautiful and easy to talk to and interesting and fun, everything which I'm not. Maybe if I become prettier he'll miss me and start loving me again...?

But we went through so much together. He helped me with realising that it wasn't Mick who I needed and I helped him with his family and we did love each other, we really did. And maybe I still do, but does he? Would he give it all up? Could he give it all up? Everything we had, gone.

I'll never love again...he's left me speechless.

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**Has this been done before? Idk, but I had this for ages and I didn't want to delete it, so yeah. **


End file.
